Even though I originally wrote this blog on my fiftieth birthday (May 27, 2003), I have made several additions over time and continue to do so. Some ask why I cannot hold a firm stance on the concept of God. My response is that I simply cannot. I fully understand why changes occur in my writings, as they reflect my evolving experiences. I am not a theist, in other words, I am not a believer; rather, I am a seeker of God. A believer can remain steadfast in his faith, as for him, pressing the button of faith is enough to find peace. For him that is the end of the learning process. But for a seeker, the journey progresses only by continuously adapting his stance based on discoveries over time.
In truth, there has been no fundamental change in my perspective on God. The insights I gained in childhood were correct; I only needed to refine my writings to reaffirm that the path I chose in my adolescence was indeed the right path. Even during my Sunday school days, my concept of God did not align with the syllabus being taught. Perhaps this was influenced by my parallel studies in the Hindi Prachar Sabha, my school education, and the books my father brought home from the Sri Chithira Thirunal Library. My fifteen years in the Air Force also played a significant role in shaping my perception of God. At its core, my belief was based on the idea that there exists a great power that upholds the universe, and that power is what I call God. I believed that all religious scriptures propagate exaggerated and embellished stories about God, and that no deity awaits us in any place of worship.
However, out of respect for my mother’s wishes and to avoid causing her distress, I continued to attend church and religious study classes merely to please her. Though it was not clear to me what God is, by my teenage years, I had already realized what God is not. My fundamental belief was that God is not a machine that fulfills our desires. Seeing God as a being who grants our wishes simply because we constantly praise and worship Him seemed, to me, a form of blasphemy and even atheism.
I have always believed, and still do, that our experiences are the results of our own actions. My experiences have reinforced my conviction that "good begets good, and evil begets evil." The idea that one can be saved and attain eternal life simply by accepting someone as their savior, regardless of their actions, never sat well with me. Similarly, the threats that believers will go to heaven while others will go to hell never frightened me. I firmly believe that the concepts of heaven and hell were deliberately crafted by religious institutions to exploit people. That is why, when confronted by Pentecostal pastors trying to convert me, I often jested, saying, "I am interested in going to hell; rather, not interested in going to heaven."
The extravagant lifestyles and relentless accumulation of wealth by pastors and priests who preach about the end of the world and the second coming of Christ serve as proof that even they do not genuinely believe in these prophecies. The primary distinction between humans and other living beings is the intelligence and discernment we possess. Religious teachings claim that God created humans in His own image, yet these same religions instruct people to blindly follow scriptures without using their God-given intellect. To me, this contradiction proves their deception.
My God is not a machine designed to fulfill my desires. To me, true devotion means surrendering completely to the Supreme Power of the universe, allowing it to lead me wherever it may, without complaint. Joy, sorrow, and despair are merely constructs of the mind, and I believe that God has given humans the ability to master their thoughts and emotions. My training in Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living organization has greatly helped me remain content and happy in all circumstances.
Loving humanity, all living beings, and nature, and contributing to their well-being—that is my way of worshiping God. Do not harm anyone, do not interfere unnecessarily in anyone’s life, show compassion to those who suffer, and live righteously—this is what I see as goodness. None of this was written down by God in any book. From the moment I began to gain awareness, these truths were already inscribed in the pages of my conscience.
Starting life from nothing, I recognize that I have been given countless blessings. I have come to understand that the greatest prayer is to be grateful for the blessings received rather than submitting a list of further demands. When praying, there is no need for producing excessive sound or noise of any kind; silence is the supreme language for communicating with God—this is a secret I have realized through my spiritual experience.
I never pray that there should be no crises in life. Instead, I pray for unwavering mental strength and the presence of mind to find ways to overcome any crisis. That doesn’t mean I have no worldly desires or that I don't present them in my prayers. But along with prayer, my approach is to use techniques like Affirmation, the Law of Attraction, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to achieve my goals. In fact, I consider prayer as an essential tool in applying these techniques effectively.
I realize that the books I read in my childhood, especially those I had to study during my school and college years—particularly some parts of Jawaharlal Nehru's books—have influenced the formation of my thoughts about God. I also recognize that there was an internal conflict in my mind between what I was taught in Sunday school and the independent thinking encouraged by the books and biographies of great leaders like Nehru. When I evaluate my own life, I understand that, in this battle, it was the latter way of thinking that ultimately triumphed.
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